


Prank

by missbeizy



Category: Lord of the Rings RPF
Genre: M/M, RPF
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-14
Updated: 2014-12-14
Packaged: 2018-03-01 09:52:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2768789
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/missbeizy/pseuds/missbeizy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He tosses Dom's copy--the one diagonally stamped MERRY--across the cushions.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Prank

"Fuck me."

"Bit early for that, isn't it?"

Billy holds up the papers.

Pause.

"Fuck me," Dom agrees.

"Sharp, Dom."

"It's _Friday_."

"I don't know why you're surprised," the nearest make-up artist interjects. "You get rewrites every day."

"You offend reason, sir," Dom says, watching Billy take a pull off of his beer. 

They look at the rewrites again later that evening. The credits are rolling on their second (and most likely last) film of the evening. The coffee table is littered with greasy take-away. They're sitting at opposite ends of the couch, a carton of fried rice between them, and Billy reaches over lazily and rescues the rewrites from a determined puddle of soy sauce. He tosses Dom's copy--the one diagonally stamped MERRY--across the cushions.

Dom thumbs through, chewing a fingernail, silent. Reaching the bottom of the third page, he chuckles, and flicks the packet at Billy. "Very funny."

"Mm?" Billy hums, stuck on a passage on page two that seems a bit rough to his ear.

"Did you slip that in while I was in the kitchen?" Dom asks casually, skimming through to page five.

"What?" 

He motions toward the paper. Billy catches him up, and then smirks. "I'm not that gullible, you know." When he reaches the end of _his_ page three, though, he finds the same thing. "Oh, you're thorough. It's on mine, as well."

"Let me see that," Dom says. Billy relocates the fried rice so that they can get closer.

There's no doubt about it; both of their rewrites have this new material.

"Switch the light on?"

A thorough inspection reveals that the rewrites have all the watermarks and stamps to prove their legitimacy.

What the fucking fuck?

*

"M'contract's been breached," Billy says, urgently, into the phone.

"Billy?" Christine replies, half-asleep.

"Sorry, is Sean there?"

There's a bit of a commotion in the bedroom and then Sean's voice. "Hello?"

"Breach of contract. What do you know?"

"Billy? It's one in the morning. Are you okay? Dom? Do you need a ride?"

"We're fine. Pay attention, man. I need guidance, or perhaps just an annoying, political rant that vaguely circles the topic of nudity in film."

"Um," Sean says. "Have you been drinking?"

" _Elijah_ has a shirtless, er, nude, er, something, scene, doesn't he?"

In his excitement, Billy hangs up on Sean and dials Elijah.

"Nude hobbit scenes! Advice?" Billy blurts, by way of greeting, when Elijah answers his cell-phone.

"What?" Elijah replies, sounding too much like Astin for Billy's liking.

"Merry and Pippin don't have nude scenes, Elijah."

"Have you been drinking?"

"My god, fuck you _all_."

Dom has relocated to the Playstation console, and is braiding the very front of his hair into a tiny, tiny knot, waiting for Billy to join him. When Billy hangs up on Elijah and glances at Dom for support, Dom just tilts his head. " _Have_ you been drinking?"

Billy crawls under the duvet.

*

The next day, Billy darts about the set asking anyone older and wiser for advice about how to handle this ridiculous, absolutely not-canon scene.

After two hours of shouting things like, "There are bugs in that leaf litter. Do you want bugs up your arse, Dominic?" and "What the buggering hell is all this falling nonsense?" and "I know you said you wanted a bit of comedy in there, but really, now!" Pete tells Billy that it was Fran and Pippa's idea, and asks him to please respect their vision.

Billy massacres his way through a turkey sandwich and mutters darkly about vision, with the addition of many, many swearwords that he has not used in years.

"All right, mate?" Orli asks, and Billy opens his mouth to question the elf, but ends up deflating to the tablecloth.

"Oh, I won't even bother. You'd love getting all sorts of naked under a tree."

"With Dominic?"

"Yes, with-- _does everyone on this fucking continent know about this fucking scene_?"

*

This goes on for the rest of the week and, by Friday, Dom has lost all patience for speculation. He brushes aside Billy's constant and uncharacteristic nattering, refuses to re-read that section of the book, thank you very much, and has every intention of getting completely pissed in the hopes that Billy will follow and forget about it.

And then, just as they arrive at his, an idea strikes.

"Why don't we just rehearse this thing, then," he suggests. "Get it out of your system. Honestly, it's not that big of a deal."

Billy freezes, ponders the suggestion. It's not as if he has anything against it. They always privately rehearse bits of the script that give them trouble.

"Just, you know, without the--"

"Er, of course, without the," Dom replies, watching the tips of Billy's ears go red. "That would be a bit too dedicated of us, I reckon."

They end up sharing Billy's crumpled re-write sheet because Dom's drawn all over his with nail varnish, covering up most of the directional instructions and a good deal of the dialogue.

"So, we'll be huddled sort of on our sides, like..."

They lie on Billy's floor and Billy is about to shift around and face Dom, but Dom flips over instead, presenting his back. Billy's arm hovers nervously.

He stutters the line, "That's weird. Do you feel cold?"

Dom's voice is strangely husky when he breathes, "Yes." And because he's not thinking about it, the next comes out decently. "Hold me."

Billy slips an arm around Dom, hand splaying across his belly, and they squirm close until Billy's cheek touches Dom's jaw. After a long pause, in which it gets very warm, Billy manages to realize that this jittery feeling in his limbs may be the cause of all his worry about this scene.

Finding the silence unbearable, he whispers, "How long d'you think we'll have to hold it? Throw in a bit of improv to prolong the moment, maybe."

Laughing with the ridiculousness of the whole idea of actually filming this, Dom rolls over. "Depends on what Pete wants. It's likely we'll be on our backs the whole day." 

They are very close, and Billy's arm is still loosely draped around Dom's waist.

"All right?" Dom asks, bringing his hand up to cover Billy's forearm.

"Sure." Billy sits up, all at once. "We ought to get some sleep."

*

Billy and Dom sit bleary-eyed in their make-up chairs, too stressed and tired from lack of sleep to notice the crew occasionally cracking up at the sight of the re-write sheets. They bolt coffee, square up and, when they get their call, line up in front of Barrie like men about to be thrown in front of a firing squad.

Barrie runs down the scene for all cast and crew to hear, gives the cue to get everything in position, and then steps behind the camera line.

Without saying a sodding word about falling or cuddling.

"Well," Billy squeaks, chasing him, "what about all this, then?" He holds up the re-writes.

Barrie instantly cracks up, and Billy's face becomes very, very tense.

"You actually prepared for that?" Barrie laughs. "Oh, man. It was so obvious, we thought you'd figured out that it was a prank as soon as you got them." He cackles and cackles. "You--you--"

Dom puts a hand on Billy's shoulder. "Violence is never the answer, William."

Billy's eye twitches. "Right. Right. Of course. Hilarious, is what it is. Gut-shaking _fun_."

"Oh, look at the time!" Dom exclaims, dragging Billy by his cloak toward the fake forest. "So many trees to prune, so little time, aha, ta, Barrie, darling, amigo, compad--"

Billy pushes Dom into a pile of leaf litter.

*

On the way back to the house that evening, Dom blasts the air-conditioning in the car and turns the radio up ridiculously high.

"We were completely fucking fooled."

"But it made sense," Billy insists. "They kept saying, you remember, about the comedy and all, and _everyone knew_ , and it was on the official paper, all legal--"

"It's done with. Everyone had a decent laugh on us. It's not as though we didn't have it coming, Bill."

Dom puts the car in park, leaning forward against the wheel, and kills the headlights. "It's sort of funny, now. Merry and Pippin, huddling naked against the chill of Fangorn Forest."

Billy chuckles weakly. "Eh, in a way, I suppose." It's dark without the headlights, and the moon turns everything light in the car white-blue. He glances over at Dom. "Ridiculous. We should've sorted it days ago." He rubs the chill from his hands.

"I don't know," Dom says, slowly, resting his cheek against his folded forearms so that his face is tipped steadily in Billy's direction. "Might've been sweet."

Billy grunts noncommittally. "Christ, Dom, let's go inside. Aren't you cold?"

Dom smiles; a slow, soft thing that starts at the corners of his mouth and works its way up to touch every muscle in his face and, finally, lights his eyes. Billy stares. There is a single creak of leather from the seats beneath them as Dom leans over, tilts his face, and kisses Billy on the mouth.

_Took you long enough._

"Yes," he replies, grinning at Billy's shocked expression, and thinks, _Prank of the year, mate. Prank of the fuckin' year._

"Dominic Monaghan, if you ask me to hold you, I will happily box your ears."

Dom grins. "The thought never crossed my mind."


End file.
